Taken from Practical Guide to Writing, Barnet and Stubbs, sixth edition.

 Abstract versus Concrete Language

Which one of the following two examples relies on abstract or concrete language:

I Example

Charles Darwin's great accomplishments in the field of natural science resulted from many factors. While innate qualities and characteristic played a large part in leading him to his discoveries, various environmental circumstances and events were decisive factors as well. Darwin, himself, considered his voyage on the Beagle the most decisive event of his life, precisely because this was to him an educational experience similar to if not more valuable than that of college, in that it determined his whole career and taught him of the world as well.

A. Please list the facts you learned in this paragraph:

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B. If you deleted all examples of abstract, wordy, empty language what facts would you be left with?

II Example

Charles Darwin's youth was unmarked by signs of genius. Born in 1809 into the well-to-do Darwin and Wedgwood clans (his mother was a Wedgwood, and Darwin himself was to marry another), he led a secure and carefree childhood, happy with his family, indifferent to books, responsive to nature. The son and grandson of impressively successful physicians, he eventually tried medical training himself, but found the studies dull and surgery (before anesthesia) too ghastly even to watch. So, for want of anything better, he followed the advice of his awesome father (6'2", 336 pounds, domineering in temperament) and studied for the ministry, taking his B.A. at Christ's College, Cambridge, in 1831.

Then a remarkable turn of event saved Darwin from a country parsonage. His science teacher at Cambridge, John Stevens Henslow, arranged for Darwin the invitation to be naturalist on H.M.S. Beagle during a long voyage of exploration. Despite his father's initial reluctance, Darwin got the position, and at the end of 1831 left England for a five year voyage around the globe that turned out to be not only a crucial experience for Darwin himself, but a passage of consequence for the whole world.

-- Philip Appleman

A. Please list the facts you learned in the example II.

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B. Does this example contain abstract, wordy language? Is this example abstract and wordy, and empty or is it concrete, filled with facts?

Which selection would you rather read? Why